Christine Gabrièlle

You know, the cycle of constantly posting to socials for a month or two and then disappearing for six months while I recuperate from the overwhelm.

I have—especially since I started providing VA services—tried to do what the “Romans” do when it comes to posting on socials and advertising myself. I’ve tried to force myself into the routine of self-promotion over and again. And as unnatural as it is, I find myself trying still because the people on the internet say it’s the best way to build a brand.

The thing is, I just want to work and write and read and visit beautiful places and love and eat good food and spend time with my favorite people and be.

***

I drafted the above exactly 2 months ago (8/24/23).

Since then, I have been constantly overstimulated by the voices and opinions of people—friends, family, coaches, “internet people” (collectively), pastors—as well as by my own voice (loud, intrusive, conflicting thoughts always running through my head). It is during the brief moments between songs, reels, podcast episodes, or switching from one movie to another, that the silence is loudest and I realize just how much I need more silence.

But I don’t like silence. Never have. Even to sleep, I need the sound of my old oscillating fan buzzing in the background (I broke the base several months ago and tried to replace it, but the new fan was too quiet, so I returned it and just propped my old fan up in the corner to live out its remaining days—may they be long).

Although I recognize the need for silence in this season of my life, I’ve still been avoiding it. I keep telling myself to take a break from socials and the constant flood of faces and voices, but I keep postponing my log out date. I usually take a yearly break from socials anyway, but… I don’t know… something is keeping me from it this time.

I’ve been saying for months (years?) that I don’t want my work or my life to depend on social media. I’m a horrible marketing person and I don’t want to get better at it. If not for FOMO, I’d delete it altogether and suffer the crashing waves of withdrawal that would hopefully lead to peace.

This weekend, while contemplating how to grow my business as a Content & Design Specialist (or if I even want to), I came to the same conclusion I’d come to months ago when I drafted the first part of this post…

I just want to work and write and read and visit beautiful places and love and eat good food and spend time with my favorite people and be.

And I want the work to be stable (as much as possible), meaningful, impactful, valuable… I want it to facilitate the life I want.

Honestly, I’ve just been going with the flow since quitting my law office job almost two years ago (I was on the verge of a major breakdown and only my therapist and my mother could see it). I realize, though, sometimes the flow takes us to places we don’t necessarily want to be.

Don’t get me wrong. If not for the journey of the past two years, I don’t know if I’d be headed into what my current desire is leading me to. Maybe I’d be in a more stable place, maybe I wouldn’t. I don’t regret anything, though there are things I’d definitely choose against if I had to do it over.

I’m thinking about my goals for the remainder of 2023, and they are leaning heavily toward writing more stories for one-off submissions, writing some mini stories to post here, and getting into a position so I can actively pursue the financial accomplishments I desire to see next year.

Community and connection are always at the top of my list as well. And even though I’m not in a position to fully invest in the community I have been opening myself to, I am doing my best with what I’ve got.

I don’t know what’s ahead, but I do know where my head is regarding the direction I’d like to go.

Anyway , thanks for being here.

🖤

P.S.
I do have new journals that will be available on Amazon soon. They are so much prettier than the first set I created! I’m waiting on the proof for my Sunrise Journal (should arrive mid-November, but I’m hoping it’ll come sooner) and then I’ll publish the Sunrise and Starlight journals at the same time once I confirm it looks the way I want.