Christine Gabrièlle

You ever look through your old IG posts and wonder what happened to you? 🙃

I haven’t been sleeping well this week. My eyes will open between 4:00-5:30am and I won’t be able to fall back asleep (I usually get up at 6:30, so it’s not a major time difference, but it’s enough).

I spent this (early) morning scrolling through my own IG and reading my own captions to my own photos and reminiscing about how involved I was in the lives of my family, friends, and kids (Godchild, baby cousins).

I know a lot of myself was lost over the last 3 years, dealing with excruciatingly high levels of anxiety, sexual trauma, under- and un-employment, toxic relationships, and the subsequent paranoia, self-doubt, insecurity, and self-isolation all that caused, but I’m wondering if this… disconnecting (?) has been going on much longer than that.

I don’t pay attention to people anymore. It is so difficult to see past my own nose. I’ve become incredibly sensitive and I’m constantly trying to protect my emotional and mental health, to the point that it’s difficult for me to really see anybody else. How could I have missed this?

I’m learning that there is such a thing as protecting yourself too much.

I want to be involved again. I want to have adventures, and rebuild relationships, and love on other people’s kids until I have niblings of my own to spoil rotten.

I want my life back.

2024 is the Year of the Dragon as far as the Chinese New Year is concerned. I was born during a Year of the Dragon (which could be why I really dig dragons and dinosaurs). I’ll take that as a sign that this will be a good year.

My year.

🖤