Christine Gabrièlle

We’re down to the last two pieces I want to discuss in Pleasure Activism.

Liberated Relationships, Expanded

adrienne maree brown’s principles for liberated relationships:

Liberated Relationships:

“[R]elationships that center the freedom and transformation of all partners, romantic, platonic, political, familial, or some combination of these.” (p.403)

Radical honesty

“No omissions, no white lies, no projections. Ask the questions you really want answered, speak your truth, and let the relationship build inside all that reality.” (p.403)

Acknowledge the dynamics, then keep growing

“Have an understanding on the front end of the race, class, gender, ability, geographic, and other power dynamics that exist between you. And also remember that these are mostly constructs.” (p.404)

Relinquish Frankenstein

“You are not creating people to be with or work with…. You are meeting individuals with their own full lives behind and ahead of them. Stop trying to make and fix others and instead be curious about what they have made of themselves.” (p.404)

Create your own normal

“Normal is a myth! There as many ways to love, desire, please, and be pleased as there are bodies, minds, and imaginations.” (p.404)

Line up your longings

“Learn how to name your longings and to assess if your longings are aligned with a potential lover, partner, friend, or group.” (p.405)

Change and be changed

“You can do the same all by yourself.” (p.405)

“Shift away from any mentality that you are there to fix each other, and shift into an understanding that change is constant, and you get the gift of witnessing and supporting each other in transformation.” (p.405)

“Pay attention to feedback that is repeated.” (p.406)

“Change if you want to for yourself, not to keep someone or stay in a place/organization.” (p.406)

Stay curious

“As you generate trust with each other, between each other, hopefully both/all partners will be able to be more of themselves, bring more of themselves into the relationship space. Stay curious about each other’s longings, desires.” (p.406)

Set generative boundaries

“If you are in a relationship where you can’t honestly and easily set boundaries, then there is reason for concern about the health and longevity of your connection; whatever yes exists between you is not trustworthy.” (p.406)

“Boundaries arise form needs…. Boundaries arise from requests…. You both/all have the right to request boundaries. The expectation here is that the partner will respond honestly to the request, forming an agreement or inviting negotiation.” (pp.406-407)

I think adrienne’s words are sufficient. I couldn’t explain them better. There wasn’t a lot of commentary on my end while reading this piece, just lots of head nodding.

Principles in Practice

We talked about adrienne maree brown’s “Pleasure Principles” at the very beginning of this post series. Here they are again:

• What you pay attention to grows
• We become what we practice
• Yes is the way
• When I’m happy, it is good for the world
• The deepest pleasure comes from riding the line between commitment and detachment
• Make justice and liberation feel good
• Your no makes the way for your yes
• Moderation is key

To wrap up the book, adrienne highlights ways to practice these principles (pp.431-433):

• Attention liberation (using meditation)
• Practice pleasure in your own body and life
• Find the ease
• Center pleasure as an organizing principle (in organizing work)
• Set generative boundaries
• Only say yes when you mean it
• Take responsibility (for your part in life)
• Be absolutely committed to your process
• Be detached from any outcome
• Be satisfiable
• You are a miracle. Act like it. Don’t waste it.

Yes! Ending the book with that last line “You are a miracle. Act like it. Don’t waste it.” was (is) a much-needed reminder.

Perfection.

…

That’s it, yall!! We’ve reached the end of this Pleasure Activism post series. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Also, I encourage you to read it yourself. I know I can’t do the work as much justice as it deserves. It’s definitely a book I will come back to in the future, even if it’s not a through-and-through reread.

I’ll likely be posting about The Request by David Bell next. I’m halfway through it, and the series of events seem so unlikely that I’m not totally convinced I like the novel. However, I’m going to finish it because I need to know how it all plays out.

Until next time.

🖤